Xmas is about cats
Dear My Human (and friends),
I have hacked your account because you’ve got it all wrong. I am the Feline Avenger – stop calling me “Fizz”.
I know you get all stressy at this time of the year, because you only brush me twice a day. Unacceptable.
I heard you talking to your friend about Xmas, and how busy it is, and frankly, it’s really starting to annoy me. I am the King of this Household. I am the Lord of My Domain. Xmas is about cats, and I cannot believe that you have forgotten this. Let me remind you, in a fashion that you might understand – because all of my usual communication strategies seem to be falling on deaf ears. Dumb arse.
Listen to The Feline Avenger!
There are twelve days of Xmas. Let me sing you the song of my ancient people, before our traditions were appropriated by that German guy (Saint “Someone”, or Sinta “Something”…). I’d also like you to carefully follow the instructions that are cleverly hidden within…
On the first day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
A scratching post that’s very spark-ley
Feline Avenger’s Scratching Post, which every day gets a little balder…
On the second day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Two penthouses
Feline Avenger’s Penthouse Lair, from which I survey my domain, and show everyone my bum.
On the third day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Three plant leaves
Feline Avenger’s Munching Leaves (My Human has given up trying to stop this)
On the fourth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Four seedlings trying
Feline Avenger’s Doomed Seedlings
On the fifth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Five wrigley toes
Feline Avenger LOVES Toes (and stinky shoes). By the way, these are NOT My Human’s slippers…
On the sixth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Six balls to chase
Feline Avenger LOVES to play Fetch. For hours. (I’m a dog-like cat, it has to be said. There’s nothing wrong with a cat playing Fetch.)
On the seventh day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Seven bowls of cat food
Feline Avenger-sized Cat Bowl. Now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ ’bout!
On the eighth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Eight sunny beds
Feline Avenger Beanbag. Stop trying to sit in it. Get your own.
On the ninth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Nine moths escaping
[NOTE: No photo because My Human is always laughing too hard to take a photo. Plus I am super fast.]
On the tenth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Ten plastic beds (I know it’s a double-up. That is intentional. Every Feline Avenger needs far more than merely 12 beds!)
It’s exhausting being a Feline Avenger. I need to sleep. A lot. Not that you can see me sleeping. I’m invisible.
On the eleventh day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Eleven illegal locations
Feline Avenger “illegal” location *snort*. It seems like EVERYWHERE is illegal, and I like it that way… I AM the Feline Avenger after all…
On the twelfth day of Xmas, my Human gave to me…
Twelve brushes stroking
I would like to make it very clear to My Human that this doesn’t happen nearly enough. You know I like. Now get your shite sorted out and spend more time at home doing this.
Eleven illegal locations
Ten plastic beds
Nine moths escaping
Eight sunny beds
Seven bowls of cat food
Six balls to chase
Five wrigley toes
Four seedlings trying
Three plant leaves
Two penthouses
And a scratching post that’s very spark-ley
The Feline Avenger relaxes after a hard day of nefarious mischief (note to The Human – please supply me with a real cigarette, and not this fake crap!)
Now less singing, more brushing…
In Disdain, The Feline Avenger x
[NOTE FROM THE HUMAN: I don’t want to encourage his “delusions of grandeur”, but if you like this post, please click on the little thumbs up below. If you’ve got anything that you’d like to say to “The Feline Avenger”, leave your comments here and I will pass them on. Probably while I’m brushing him. Sigh.]
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